If you ignore them with the intention that he will change his behavior, you still have hope the relationship can be saved. AND, FU** HIM. But it works! Now after 7 years of no contact, I finally am seeing clear. I had him believing that the private detective was hired again. I was out of options. ! However.. In 2008 I filed for divorce: 20 years, 4 kids. It's absolutely useless to want to have the last word or to need to explain how upset you have been. Would it be hard to try to bring back the focus to you? It’s been proven time and time again. Why is No Contact Important? I was actually suicidal for a time however I now feel back in control and ready to move on 8 months later. I realised then that I had control back. Lying to him showed me something else too. How to get your feelings out, without breaking No Contact! I really appreciate everyones stories here– they really help. I believe you must stick up for yourself and get payback – it’s a valuable exercise in standing up for yourself and making sure this doesn’t happen to you in another relationship. Many survivors write that what they want more than anything is … My oldest son was autistic. I’m obsessed. I never resorted to gas lighting. 7 months after she’s gone I live in a friends back room, I cry every day missing her and still can’t understand how she can just dismiss our 14 years as if it never happened. Yes it does work. I must admit I’d never even heard of the word until then. You did not realize what was going on. The fact she lived with you does not give her the right to steal from you, it’s doesn’t make your property “community property” either.. Do you want to leave but you can't seem to get away? . Told me that she’d had the best Orgasm she’d ever had with me that weekend meanwhile setting my back injury weeks back in recovery. I had complaints from my neighbours, and lived in constant fear of what he would do next. I want to do it and then my emotions take over and I am were I started. He’d say oh you’re all over the place. She described the scary side of him when his eyes changed and the ‘rage’ set in. He is not a monster but rather a barking chuahua. Yes they don’t like the law, means restriction and being contained. I guarantee he’s keeping tabs on you,keep them on him and like positive girl says ,record the dates etc. I’m going to attempt this. She laughed, came back to me for a weekend for the great sex we always had. I just think that the fact they are male or female is as irrelevant as their sexual orientation, religion, race etc. For example, a sociopath may know that a certain action is wrong or inappropriate, but may engage in the behavior anyway, if it benefits him. Like being stabbed in the heart and back at the same time. Don't waste your energy. It was at this point that I decided that I was going to ‘play’ him and give him a taste of his own medicine!! I, of course searched his mobile and found her numbers in the blocked section under the name of ‘Simon’ – She live in the same town (we had a mutual friend) although he told me she lived somewhere else. Go to the police -start a paper trail.. It’s the only way to protect yourself in the long run.. Omg,I’ve tried eveyway to sort this mess out,with my ex. Don’t feel jealous when he moves onto someone new! At least if you understand what you're weaknesses are it gives you a better chance of dealing with a sociopath because you will recognize when he is pressing your buttons. You question their authority We know that people who suffer from anti-social disorders like sociopathy are typically highly narcissistic individuals. As mentioned above, it is a long, difficult process to help a sociopath lessen their symptoms. From what I’ve discovered, she changes guys about every 2-3 months. I want you to remember that you have SURVIVED this, and you can make the aftermath both better and more tailored to your liking. Do not look for closure from the sociopath! When I let rip after that,I got accused of showing my true colours , Treating them the way they treat you,in my opinion,doesn’t work,it makes my ex more incensed. They mirror others emotions,as that’s deemed the right thing to do. It won’t happen overnight!!! In the end, he will be exposed. I’m going to make his life suck. Somebody who has no conscience has no conscience. So although it was a very short relationship it left a lot of damage in my life. I’ve never looked up the statistics on men/ women sociopaths. Just forgive her. We are human. Take back your power. So I wrote her a email detailing all the affairs. Cease contact . Later posts were gender neutral, earlier posts were not. Say, “no” to daily contact. However, a conversation with his ex partner (the girlfriend before me) after he had dumped me caused me sleepless nights and filled me with anger at how he had treated her. The second recommendation I will make — I read this on another blog and its so true — the sociopath with give you hints in advance about how they are scheming to destroy you.. take those hints VERY SERIOUSLY….. Taking self-care does not have to be at your own risk. Your opinion is worthless. No job, no house, no wife, no music studio. So lying and throwing him off track was the first step to stop feeling crazy and to feel like I had more of my own power back. It can place them ‘off guard’ sometimes it can ‘calm them’ but it can also take them off guard. When I went to the bar 15 mins later he was gone. You take back YOUR control over YOU. I would be like, “Nope, I have no style. As long as you continue to engage the sociopath they will continue to try and manipulate you. Also, a bit of advice coming from someone who has been arrested for taking the game too far, all of this is considered a challenge that any sociopath would step up to. He did leave. The best way to deal with a sociopath is not to deal with him. At 52 it will be tough to start again, especially knowing what I know. No contact means no contact. In my experience, they are aasholes no matter what….even going so far as hiding pictures and videos of his deceased father from his mother just a month after the death. I’m an intelligent person, but if I’d run into him in the hallways, I’d just give him a breezy smile like I didn’t have a brain in my head. Also, he’s charming as hell. That’s where I met mine. They are so busy in their heads trying to get one over on you, their ego gets in the way… There lies a weakness. I do not deny it. I said yes of course — I don’t want to pay for TWO parking spots and continue paying for a car he won’t permit me to drive…. Kind regards Julie. Very often when you try and break off contact, a sociopath will try to begin to manipulate the people around you. Meanwhile he has been taking over my life. I pretended to be hurt and annoyed and said that it shouldn’t matter if he wasnt seeing her. I never had any intention of getting revenge on my ex Sociopathic boyfiend as I feel that life is too short and doing this would take up too much of my head space with negativity. I’m angry,so so angry!!!! Play him at his own game, and he will soon get tired. I have to say too, I was a shell of a person at that point. Get your evidence together and take to his superior. But it’s a good alternative if you can’t do No Contact – fight crazy with crazy lol. I’ve been at screaming point. And I was able to keep it up and get better at it. You need to start now to make her life “suck”.. And go to therapy to regain your self esteem and heal from this experience.. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter and grandmother.. You have suffered so much. When getting his favourite actions from me.. Like putting his head on my lap for me to rub his head. Positivagirl, what are your thoughts about sociopathy and smoking marijuana? ‘No contact’ is the decision to make the ultimate boundary with your narcissistic parent. Getting even with him, is to GET RID of him, to get him to stop bothering you. Just him. The psycho has completed turned your life inside out.. This is for when you have NO options left, when you have no alternative but to just get him out of your life when you become just too difficult and problematic to play with. This is really important because sociopaths like to dominate and control. That’s how sociopaths like to describe women in general.. Crazy does not describe the psychopath/sociopath accurately.. I gained again access to photos, that were photos of my daughter who had died, quite graphic photos, and also my grandmother when she was alive, who had recently died. years ago. I totally agree with your plan of how to get rid of them. Play the game, if this is what he wants to do. Many different types of psychopaths and sociopaths, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O3ZQPezglQ, The sociopath will always accuse YOU of what they are guilty of themself, Physical ailments - do they have a different meaning? At to top all this,he was the one who had an affair,and now I’m being punished for what he did!!! That’s not fair you said I could be the victim, I wanna be the victim!! I am still afraid of him, but I just did the brainless twit smile, like he’s someone I barely knew, and kept my head up and keep going. I realised that his motive was ‘control’ and his fear was, I therefore had to change my own tact to deal with him. In this situation, many of my friends and family have said “She dumped you. What, for example, was your initial feeling on first meeting the sociopath? I’d sing his praises but still act like, well, i don’t really know much about him personally…….. Isn’t it funny when you do it though? This is an incredibly useful thing to do and very often overlooked when people are looking for help in dealing with a sociopath or a narcissist. Then (and this is my only regret) I went to A’s flat (she lives about a mile from me) and asked her if we could have a chat. Interesting that you use the word “he” and “him” a lot. * He will never change – always was and will be a liar I would try no matter how hard it is to display no emotion at all. Whatever the situation required. Reblogged this on Lucy’s Rules and commented: How did they keep the charade going? You're just giving them a chance to continue to verbally abuse you and play with your emotions, and the lack of empathy and guilt gives the sociopath an advantage that you will never have, and that you can never beat. Are sociopaths capable of being in love? Lose your FEAR — he is controlling you through FEAR….. so (even if you are still scared) show you are no longer scared or intimidated by him – this is really important. Nothing that he knew he could use against me. I did — I had no choice.. I realized that if I asked him to do something, he would do the opposite because he thought it would hurt me. They're not going to change. I dug into her past. All survivors of psychopathic evil know how extremely difficult it is to cut ties with a psychopath. * I stared intensly at him, looking directly into his eyes (as he used to do to me) without blinking and it was him who broke the eye contact "No Contact changes the dynamics of the situation. I expect reciprocal behaviour. Before I start, I’m not a revengeful person by nature. She didn’t believe me because he told her that I was the liar and I was the one having multiple affairs. I fell in love with him and now I’m having a really hard time detatching. The one bit of proof I have, video documentation of our lovemaking. Often it makes them worse! We only learn from our mistakes and by taking positive action. Because there was no real communication with him. Him showing emotions shows that he is not a psycho. When he tells you, “you’re behaving like a victim, stand up straight and laugh in his face. It wasn’t just a bad breakup, she’s a criminal. Why??? You are a dumb ass that has nothing to contribute. There was no “high” left at all dealing with him. Don't add to that by being hard on yourself if your own path is filled with dark days and setbacks--even setbacks you may have caused by diverting from a path of 'no contact.' As with your ex,he’s in major victim mode now,he knows he’s lost,and they hate that most of all. I therefore returned home and saw 10 missed calls from my ex and a text saying ‘Please answer the phone’ I didn’t call him back but I did ring A and apologised profusely for going to her flat and asked her not to hang up the phone and that all I wanted was to find out some facts. After importing my car to Canada — he refused to let me insure or register it after I told him the marriage was over — he never went up to get the car, wanted me to park it and take the bus for 6 months. This is important because you are dealing with a sociopath. Luckily, we did not have any children. Just don’t assume that all sociopaths are bad people, although I would say 9/10 of us have malicious intents so be careful. The psycho pulled the wool over your eyes, so you can understand how your wife is being completely manipulated. Assuming the answer is no, knowing that would only frustrate a sociopath, and for someone to pity them for something they can’t change would clearly put them over the top. This just made me think he was sat in a pub somewhere by himself and he was ‘bored’. No contact is difficult when you have matters such as taxes to figure out, but I will finally be able to file for divorce at the end of March. Go girl! Yes I think it has an effect. Problem living off women. I have nothing now. I’m convinced my boyfriend is a sociopath because he lies every other day. Add to this a contempt for psychiatrists and psychologists because of comments by the leadership, and it becomes very difficult for victims to seek outside expert help in dealing with a sociopath. But then she said we have a family of 4 and I have been his long time girlfriend. He asked me out for a drink so we could have a ‘nice catch up’ why do you care? There is no treatment for sociopathy/psychopathy. * Told him he was a great Dad to his daughters (he rarely sees them!!) It wasn’t even that I wanted to get even with him. More men need to speak up. I can’t even admit I’ve lost her, but I have. Mirroring them back does work as they thrive on knowing your business while keeping their own private. I have no problem feeding him false and confusing information because he doesn’t “know” reality. * I told him my ex husband had won the lottery and given me £125,000 In the end they decide you are just too hard work, and move on. I also told her what he had done to his previous partners. One day,they’ll get what’s coming to them…. As that was happening, I would know that he would show up at my house. I only knew when i went to the shop and had no money in my account. If that bitch or mofo sociopath does anything illegal whatsoever — you report them and you press charges. It’s been a long journey ,and sometimes I wonder if things will ever be good again!!!! But it works! Thing is I loved him, but was never IN LOVE. Do I say oh something came up or do I say big deal like he would? She said she would come down and talk to me but after waiting 10 minutes she didn’t. He dind’t look like he cared much for me, til one day when we got very drunk with a friend of his, and we were all very horny but then I faint, passed out, they took me to the sofa and keep touching me sexually while I was unconscious. Get them on your side first, before he tries to make you look bad and/or crazy. I am Captain Ahab and she is my great whale. I love this post. but I got over it. I have heard from so many victims who are with sociopaths who are also police officers. I told her the timelines I was with him & how he had been seeing us both at the same time last year that I had been seeing him again for the past 4 weeks. Have absolutely No Contact. I was married and had 3 small children. Whatever you say to him, make sure it is not the truth, and constantly change your mind, If he threatens you (to call work, email people) do the same back. I do feel I’ve become more assertive though. They have nothing better to do in their lives. In the end they got nothing,and the money was spent. It does work but you do need to be strong or it will backfire. Always try to be one step ahead of the game. Cult leaders also install a sense of superiority or elitism in the members. * I told him i wanted him to move in with me as soon as we came back from Thailand (previously I had said he could never move into my house) And has been taking full advantage of them. So my wife was feeling vulnerable and neglected and never noticed because I’m a stupid man and didn’t see the warning signs. Hi Maria, he will NEVER EVER drop playing the game. Believe me, you really do deserve this. He believes himself even when a judge says otherwise. I was wondering, what does the narcissist feel about this ‘no contact’ ? Before I had contact on and off. It wasn’t real information. Sociopaths don't have friends. Yes there are, if you look at the date of this post -it was written in 2013…. All pathological Lies. No instant messages or text messages. He was now minipulating me to go with him all the time and stay out with him at the bar. They don’t think fast enough. As the name suggests, it involves avoiding any contact with the narcissist, including. I’m convinced that if I follow your advice by either stopping contact or treating him how he does me, he just won’t care because he JUST DOESNT CARE. I didn’t press charges against him because I didn’t want to ruin his life — boy was that a mistake.. Since I don’t know where my son lives or who cares for him and my ex is not permitted to contact me directly or indirectly — I will be calling the LAPD in the morning and asking them to find my baby — this will look terrible in court — along with the bail and court orders in Canada — i will have even further overwhelming proof for the california judge that he has disobeyed every single court order and judges instructions.. every last one.. I read books on the subject,and how their mind thinks. All this is completely against my nature and it is draining keeping it up and ducking and diving his mind games which are second nature to him. An excellent blog on how to keep a sociopath at bay! Try to turn this love into you. By discrediting you ,he won’t be found out,,he thinks,but don’t worry he will be. So I knew what was happening to my wife. My only question is when he starts to realised story’s don’t add up eg I say I’m doing something and later he says I though you said that you where doing something else, how do I react to that ? You win. big ol’ hug to you @positivagirl, as always, so much gratitude to you for this place of comfort and healing for so many women AND men who have been through this darkness. This means you are dealing with a professional manipulator and you should expect that any personal information you give will be used to manipulate your emotions, blame you for what is happening and/or used to try to continue the relationship. Have absolutely ZERO COMPASSION — its hard for empathetic people to hurt people — but if you do not attack and defend yourself HARD against the sociopath — they will go out of their way to destroy you and ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT BECAUSE ITS A GAME FOR THEM. Safety and freedom from a narcissistic user, a sociopath depends on establishing and keeping no contact. Believe me, it was so very hard and a great strain, leaving me tired and draining. We made it to one street over from where I told her 10 yrs ago I wanted to retire. In fact, often they will spend their lives trying to continue to manipulate you! Even though he would say “I want nothing more to do with you.” And I knew it wouldn’t end unless I tried something different. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Now my tears are half for her and half for me being such a fool. This is so hard to do. My college degree is in Psycology and I didn’t even realize my ex friend was a psycopath. Personally I use happiness to control people, but usually almost every time my relationships are a win win type of situation, so I never usually burn bridges or hurt people. In the 2005 book The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us , psychologist Martha Stout claims that the number of sociopaths at large in society is close to 4%, or 1 in 25 people. After that we started dating and he was always very sweet til three weeks ago, when I think he had a sociopath meltdown, when I found out that he was cheating on me and faced him with that, he got very cold, never admited anything, got crazy eyes and acted like a crazy person. Well a week ago I bought a car and told him that since September — almost 3 months I have made close to $20k as an acting coach and that I don’t need his money to care for my son…, This infuriated him and he demanded to come and get the car.. She was so shocked and thought it was all so disgusting!! Hi Maria, I think that marijuana can make them more insane tbh. He doesn’t give a shit about our baby — he won’t visit him. What are your instincts telling you? We are imperfect. Chances are you may not have the knowledge or resources to give this person proper help, and most sociopaths have no … They have nothing better to do in their lives. Get professional help if you need to. I was no longer really letting him in to have access to my insecurities. anyways i just wanted to say my favorite memory was a few months ago before i went on my trip, (we aren’t together since round 1 in 2016 or so round 2 i knew what i was getting into. What techniques were they using? I had some fun with this myself. I have done the above and weaved it with boundaries, gray rock method and no contact. The simple answer is no,most are highly intelligent . You are not special. Thank you. I saw him probably 4-5 times for about four weeks. He was fun and easy to talk to and he was very good with the ladies. Dealing with a sociopath Have absolutely No Contact. “Tease” me that other women were better looking than me and that I had no style. Never place yourself at further risk of harm. Simply as he won’t give up and will make your life hell. “No thanks.” If a sociopath offers you anything, especially if it looks like a gift, then politely decline it. Hi Lee and welcome. Examples:- If I don’t reply to his email correctly,I then am given multiple choice answers,which I’m meant to circle I didn’t internalize that and do that to other people. Sucks, but I think you can get even with a sociopath. Yes, it does work and may take years. Thank you for sharing! (I have heard some sociopaths say that they find it difficult to be with people who have borderline personality disorder) as they are constantly changing and switching. Dealing with a sociopath family member can be very difficult. I want so much to bring him to his knees, desmask him and make him know that I’m not that low self steem girl anymore, but he is still a fragile humam being, and I love him him and I feel sorry if I ever leave him. It may be interesting to find out,if it’s more predominately men. "No" is a complete sentence, and you don't have to disclose information that you do not want to share with them, nor are you obligated to tolerate physical contact. She’s CRAZY.”. You have been dealing with a sociopath. There is no replacement for reading her book, but a quick rundown may illuminate the signs better: Charisma and charm; Intense eye contact Sooner rather than later, This is really awesome advice and does work on a sociopath but if you do this to someome who is actually not a sociopath it will cause them a lot of real pain and confusion, I was with a SP for a year and 3 mths and we jus broke up a mth ago and he is in a relationship already ,I was so hurt by this he posting picks and everything, I really wanna get back at him for hurting me ,how can I or I should jus move on but I really want him to hurt jus like me,I thght about trying to get him back and slp with to expose him to his new GF but I really don’t know ,but I so want his ass to hurt. ?” (I did this on purpose to guarantee he would make a point of not contacting me for a long period of time because he thought I wanted him to. Exposure may not hurt them.. He went ahead and destroyed mine and took that incident and is accusing me and trying to get our three year old to say I was the aggressor!!!! I’ve now issued divorce,but that in itself isn’t easy,as he now wants me to sign “his” agreement to say I won’t divorce him!!! Divorcing a sociopath takes courage, patience and exceptional representation. We were both in out side sales doing the same thing just selling different products on the same route. Now I’ve read all this about sociopaths and it all clicks into place, its not a few traits, its like every single one she matches up too, the archetype of a Sociopath and user! I had done some research and found he was having 5 different affairs going at the same time including my wife. I want to unmask him and see if there’s any humanity there. It has been 8 months since I’ve seen her. The manipulative input can no longer come your way when you stop having any contact with the person. ), He loved to get in fights with me, because afterwards, he would stand back as the victim and say “See? I stopped doing it. You have been tricked, deceived and manipulated. It is definitely not easy having to deal with a sociopath, and the best thing is to prevent the mind control in the first place. I mean sure it would royally SUCK but we don’t necessarily fear it. I just want my life back,to move forward,but with all this hanging over …. Is he a sociopath? I know what you’re thinking because I think the same thing. I’ve never been one for evil thoughts,but now I hope he gets his come uppance big time!!!! Because it is a very old post. The preceding is your life as long as you remain in contact with a psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist. To everyone but me. Awesome storyline with an giving back the chaos bs attitude asociopath feels no control. Then the lies….. I did this. He was aggressive, rude, disrespectful and difficult with her and often didn’t speak/communicate to her for days when he was working away. I’m not dating a psychopath but I’m waist deep into one. This is important for several reasons. Thank you for this.. * I smiled and told him how lucky I was to have him in my life So it wasn’t like I even had “self confidence” or a lot of self worth left.
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